March 18, 2008

Tears, Tears, Tears

Everybody's high on consolation
Everybody's trying to tell me what's right for me
My daddy tried to bore me with a sermon
but it's plain to see that they can't comfort me

Sorry Charlie for the imposition
I think I've got it, got the strength to carry on
I need a drink and a quick decision
Now it's up to me, ooh what will be

He's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd
better learn how to face it
He's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd
pay the devil to replace him
He's Gone - what went wrong

Up in the morning look in the mirror
I'm worn as her tooth brush hanging in the stand
my face ain't looking any younger
now I can see love's taken its toll on me

He's Gone

Think I'll spend eternity in the city
let the carbon and monoxide choke my thoughts away
and pretty bodies help dissolve the memories
but they can never be what he was to me

He's Gone

June 18, 2007

First time, Long time

Well, the Yankees are cruising. While they are still 8 games out in the loss column I would like salute the amazing play of one Mr. Alex Rodriguez. Has he silenced the critics, hardly. It is still JUNE of all months. However, 180 RBi's and 65 Home Runs is quite a season if he continues on this modest pace.

It is nice to see these boys playing so well finally. Combining pitching and hitting and some very timely fielding.

Next stop, Colorado.

January 11, 2007

Hall of Predictability

The hall of fame has selected two new members to garnish it's halls with bronze replicas of their beautiful, diverse faces. Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken Jr. (not Billy Ripken surprisingly) will forever be entombed at the Crypt of Fame in Cooperstown. While I am not complaining about this decision, both of these players deserve to be there, and lets face it, Cal Ripken is the ONLY man that A-Rod would allow to play Shortstop while he himself took care of the hot, Don Mattingly did NOT get more votes than Mark McGuire and I would like to speak about this ridiculousness.

Lets compare:

-Don Mattingly's nickname is Donny Baseball.

-What is Mark McGuire's nickname? "Stupid Irish Red headed Over Muscled Dork." That is a direct quote taken from a teammate that preferred to be unnamed.

-Donny Baseball is a Bench Coach

-Mark McGuire is a fat bastard who ruined baseball.

-Donny Baseball has a sweet moustache.

-Mark Mcguire has some dumb college frat boy Goatee.

I think these reasons speak for themselves. Congratulations to Mr. Gwynn and Mr. Ripken Jr. on all their success, they smell terrific.

To Mr. McGuire i say, stop hitting juiced baseballs while on juice and ruining pure beautiful sports that some of us love and believe in, prick.

January 8, 2007

Mooooove over Jeter, Poppa's got a brand new bag

Miguel Cairo (pictured here toothless) in a monumental, pre-season altering signing, has been resigned to the Yankees for a whopping 750,000.
"The deal will reportedly be worth $750,000 and has not been
officially announced
by the team."

Of course it hasn't been announced. You keep this sort of thing quiet. Obviously Cashman is just trying to play his hand out and keep the Red Sox clueless as to who the Yankees will get as a backup infielder. "Thats right Epstein, keep guessing, we still might trade for Orlando Cabrera to be our backup. You never know."
Personally I like Cairo. He peppered the monster many times in good post-season spots. Also, he played for the Mets for one year apparently because his agent didn't tell him about the Yankees offer for 2006. As a result of his stint with the Mets, Cairo has now batted for more teams than David Bowie.

January 5, 2007

Better get Pettite a King size in that suite..

All 6'10" of Randy Johnson are flying west to the desert. Now the acne-scarred, flat-assed southpaw will be setting records and possibly reaching 300 wins in a different set of pinstripes, purple and black.

When Randy Johnson became a Yankee, I believe i was against it. It violates the rule: DON'T SIGN PEOPLE THAT BEAT YOU! It's a personal rule, but I think it matters, and I live by it. Except I don't have a Baseball team, or even a payroll to play with, but if I did, you can bet your bippy I would never sign anyone that beat me in a big spot, and gave up a home run to Marcus Thames, in his first major league at bat.

Bon Voyage Big Unit. Hello Kei Igawa!

Also interesting to note, the Yankees grabbed Alberto Gonzalez, a minor league shortstop. I hope he knows how to charge a bunt....

January 4, 2007

Manischevitz, or whatever his name is

The only reason I dig Dougie M. on the team is for the World Series ball jokes.

Q: "Hey, Jeter. What has 108 stitches and lifetime of cultural detritus attached to it?"

A: "Doug Mientkiewicz's balls"

Friends Close, Enemies Closer

In an effort to screw Andy Phillips out of a starting job and have more left-handed batters, the Yankees have reportedly reached an agreement with Doug Mientkiewicz.

Mientkiewicz, 32, was reportedly on his way to New York for a physical
examination as a precursor to finalizing a one-year contract with the Yankees.

Well, there he is. In the only appropriate picture I could find (for the purposes of this entry, appropriate means NOT wearing a Red Sox, Mets, Twins, or Royals Jersey) sporting the USA pride.

Well, they did it. Signed ANOTHER member of the 2004 Red Sox.